Decided

I decided.

I’m in.

I registered for the 2009 LA Marathon!!

It wasn’t really a tough decision after Sunday’s run. Of course, it helped to have the encouraging support of my dear friends, especially Kip, Kathleen and Jon. I think at this point I would be a little disappointed if I didn’t go for it and train all the way. So … I’m going to give it my best.

And Kip helped with the other big decision.

He ended the agonizing car search and bought the shiny black SUV from the Craigslist guy.

I spent the second half of this afternoon worrying about Kip as he drove around the hood with a manila enveloped, oddly marked “cookie money,” stuffed with three hundred and fifty $20 bills. I guess the bank was out of $100s in Inglewood.

But when he returned with this very LA vehicle, so unlike our humble van, I still wasn’t sure it fit us. At my 6-year-old son’s request we took it for a family spin around our neighborhood. And of course Kip insisted on me taking the wheel.

Strangely enough, I discovered that I actually really liked it!

All I ever wanted in my next vehicle was a one of those “beep-beep-key-chain” things (keyless entry) so I could open/lock the door easily. But this vehicle has that and a bunch of other little perks. It has what my kids call butt warmers. (Hey doesn’t everyone want a hot ass? -- couldn't resist.) And it actually reports how many miles are left on its tank of gasoline.

But now there is a new decision. After Kip brought the shiny new SUV home, he suggested that maybe we should fix the van after all -- for me -- and sell his old car. Nice one. That might have worked if he hadn't let me drive it.

What will be its name?

Dubious Deliberations

Making decision is the most stressful part of being an adult – I think.
I constantly second-guess decision I have made and I never seem willing to defend unpopular decisions to people who disagree with me. After all I might be wrong.

It’s not that I’m completely yellow-livered. I don’t flip flop just to stabilize my popularity. I actually want to hear people’s arguments and I am often willing to change my mind.

But it is stressful.

Like right now I’m trying to decide if I should run the LA Marathon on May 25th.

I haven’t said I would do it yet. But I have been training, running 60 minutes or more four times a week and hauling a long run on the weekend.

The thing is, I am just not sure that I am ready. What if I am not? I don’t want to commit to something that I won't be able to finish.

I gave myself a deadline on that one. Tuesday. Nothing works like a decision to decide.

Kip and I ran 10 miles December 31st to meet my 2008 New Year's Resolution to run 10 miles. This year I cautiously increased that to "train" for a marathon and maybe run it.

Dear Emily Elise --our mini van of many adventures -- is your time with us done?

When it comes to family decisions like – should we fix the van’s transition for $1,400 or buy a new used car with our savings – I balk. I procrastinate.

Right now or dead van is sitting in a parking lot at Kip's work.

Waiting.

Kip wants an upscale used SUV he found for a ridiculously low price on Craigslist. I’m less of an optimist and I want to make sure it wasn’t stolen or found floating in Katrina. Besides, when I drove the SUV, I realized how comfortable I am in the old minivan.

Minivans aren’t that sexy, but they are like a pair of well-worn shoes.

Of course, well-worn shoes stink. .... hmmm.

It is even more difficult when the decision involves the kids and their future.

After years of negotiating, Kip and I are basically on the same page about homeschooling the kids. Except now that Kip is firmly on my side, I'm giving myself liberty to question every aspect of the process.

Are we doing the right thing for math? Are we doing enough “school”? Should we participate in this activity, go on this field trip, attend this social event? Why don’t I have a stronger sense of direction?

I know I need to spend more time in quiet solitude, away from self doubt, in the presence of God. And I guess I need to make peace with the reality that sometimes I will make wrong decisions, I will fail and I will live to see another day.

But I'm just not sure ......

I’ll let you know what I decide about the marathon.